But Rose! You're Lactose Intolerant!
by Damon'sHumanity
Summary: Just a funny one-shot about Emmett and Rosalie while she's pregnant! All human and slight OOC. *R&R* please!


But Rose! You're Lactose Intolerant! A Twilight Fanfiction

**AN: Alright this is a funny human one-shot for all you Emmett and Rosalie lovers! Dedicated to Zoe and Kelcy, my awesome friends who are OBSESSED (in a perfectly healthy and sane way) with that pairing! ;) Well go on and read the story and remember to check my other Twilight Fanfiction Stories!**

3rd person perspective (focus on Emmett):

Ever since they'd found out that his beautiful wife was pregnant, Rosalie had forced him to wait on her hand and foot. And ugh, it's been tiring. This is the first time all day that he's been able to sit down and think…at 2AM.

"Emmett," Rosalie called groggily from our bedroom. He groaned internally and thought, Aw man she must be hungry again…

"Yeah, Rose? What do you need now babe?" he said, walking as quick as he could to her. He may complain about her in his head but he would never ignore her, especially while she was pregnant; because he loved her no matter what. He walked into the room and sat down beside Rosalie, who had propped herself up on pillows. She was 7 ½ months pregnant and still beautiful…she would always be, no matter how cranky she was.

"Well, baby, I just woke up and you weren't here so I was worried…but now, I'm a bit hungry." she said, smiling sheepishly at him. It was then that he noticed how tired and bloodshot her violet eyes seemed and his heart tugged.

"What do you want to eat, babe?" he said, focusing on her. He patted her round stomach and she smiled, looking at his hand.

"Strawberry lemonade, a BIG chunk of that raw cookie dough we have in the fridge, and a dill pickle spear." she rattled off. He sighed and nodded.

"You always ask for the most random things." he said lightly, about to leave the room. Her eyes hardened and she glared at him, her mood changing from sweet and quiet to furious in an instant.

"And you _always_ complain. I can't _help_ this, Emmett, I can't. I am eating for two here and I get hungry a lot. I can't _help_ what I want, because I am not the one who _really_ wants it, it's _your son_." she said angrily. Emmett backed off immediately, not wanting to start a fight with her. No, he'd learned his lesson about arguing with pregnant ladies…especially one as stubborn as his wife.

He went to the fridge and poured a glass of strawberry lemonade, grabbed a butter knife and cut off a chunk of raw chocolate chip cookie dough, and grabbed a dill pickle spear and put the cookie dough and pickle on a small plate and took the glass and plate to Rose in a hurry. He crawled onto the bed and handed the plate and glass to Rose, who took it gratefully.

"Emmett, I'm so tired and he's been kicking me. It hurts so much." she said weakly, and then ate some of the cookie dough. When she had finished off the cookie dough and half of the strawberry lemonade, she grabbed her cell phone off of her nightstand. At 2:30 in the morning, Emmett knew that there would be only one person Rose would call and that person would _actually answer her phone_. Leah Uley.

Rosalie dialed and then said, "Hey it's me," and put the phone on speaker.

"What happened now?" Leah asked, groggily.

"Baby's kicking me, it hurts. How did you deal with it, Leah?"

"Oh so you're ok? Tell Em to comfort you o I'll come over in the morning and beat his ass." He rolled his eyes at the comment and said sarcastically,

"Thanks, Leah that's _sooo_ nice of you."

"Welcome. Alright bye Rose…Em." she said tiredly and hung up.

"Bye," Rosalie whispered too late and she dropped her phone, falling asleep. Emmett groaned because he was so tired. He flopped back on his pillow and fell asleep too.

--

Emmett awoke to being hit fiercely on the arm by his wife. He opened his eyes and gave her a tired "WTF" look and she glared impatiently.

"What can I do for you, Sunshine?" Emmett said sarcastically. Rosalie whacked the back of his so hard that it throbbed.

"I'm hungry, you sarcastic son-of-a-bitch!" Rosalie screeched in her pissed of manner. Oh great, he thought, out of all the moods she could've woken up with, it _had_ to be anger…at me.

"What do you want to eat now, _dear_?" he said, trying desperately not to be condescending.

"I want a vanilla milkshake, a piece of that cheesecake on the counter, and a strawberry yogurt. _NOW_!" she growled. His jaw dropped in disbelief.

"_But Rooose! You're Lactose Intolerant!!_" Emmett whined. Her eyes flared and she fumed,

"I don't give a _shit_, Emmett! And if you were a _good_ husband, you'd give me what I want _damn it_!" He sighs and trudged out of the room.

Once he got everything she wanted, he handed it to her and she started crying.

"Thanks Emmy. You saved our marriage. You are always there to get me what I want…now _go away so I can eat in peace_!" she had started off in a nice, crying voice but ended in a pissed crying voice.

"Yes dear," he muttered and walked out of the door slamming it behind him. He tried to remind himself that it would all be worth it soon…unless she made _him_ change the shitty diapers, that is.

_--2 hours later--_

"Emmett Fucking McCarty, get your _ass_ in here!" Rosalie yelled. Emmett awoke from his nap at the dining room table with a start and bolted to the bathroom. Oh gross, Rose, he thought, God. Why did she have to be yakking again? He groaned and held her hair and turned his face away.

She finished up and washed her face and mouth. Then, she turned to glare at him.

"Emmett F-" she started but Emmett cut her off,

"Frank McCarty."

"Yeah, you! How could you be such an _idiot_ as to give me that stuff! I'm _lactose intolerant_, you jackass! Why the _hell_ did you give me it?!" she growled. He sighed, knowing he couldn't win. Pregnant women and their weird cravings and stupid mood swings. They'd be the death of him if Rose didn't strangle him first.

_--Epilogue: 1 ½ Months Later--_

Emmett sat in the hallway outside her room with growing impatience. When would the idiot doctors let him in? He wanted to see Rosalie and help her through this but all he could do was listen to her screams and Leah's comforting words to her. He eyed Sam, who sat across from him warily. Sam looked anxious too because they'd all four been best friends since middle school and he was probably worried about Rose too.

Finally, the doctor stepped out.

"Mr. McCarty and Mr. Uley, you can come in and see Mrs. McCarty now…and her new son." he added. Emmett grinned hugely and bounded through the door with Sam following him. As soon as he entered, he saw Rosalie looking…er, not her best on the hospital bed with a red-faced crying baby bundled up in her arms. He rushed towards them and immediately kissed their foreheads'.

Rosalie's face lit up with a weak smile when she saw her husband.

"Hey Em…wanna hold him? I've got this great idea for a name." she said, handing over their son. Emmett's face lit up as well as he held his new son.

"Well what is it, then Rosie?" Leah asked excitedly. Sam smiled and put his arm around her and nodded at Rosalie, saying,

"How are you feeling, Rose?" She grimaced and said,

"Not my best, Sam. No, I've felt loads better." Emmett smiled and cooed at his son.

"Anyways, the name I liked for our son was…Jackson Erik McCarty." she said proudly, but her voice was still very weak.

"Perfect, Rosalie. Little Jackson I am going to teach you how to play videogames and baseball and how to fight." he cooed.

"Oh no you're not, he's going to be a momma's boy." Rosalie joked. Sam and Leah chuckled and Emmett cracked a smile, eyes still glued to Jackson's face.

"I wonder where my brother is…he said he was coming…" Rosalie trailed off as the hospital room's door opened and her brother and sister-in-law stepped in.

"Jasper! Alice! You guys made it." she said happily. Jasper hugged his sister lightly and Alice followed.

"Can we hold our nephew next?" they chorused with puppy dog pouts.

"Sure, if Emmett ever puts him down." Rosalie joked, grinning.

**THE END. **

**Hope you guys liked it! REVIEW PLEASE! Oh and check out my other twilight Fanfictions too, PLEASE!!! Oh and tell me which twilight pairing is your fave also!! Mine is (of course) Bella and Edward but my 2nd fave is Alice and Jasper and Emmett and Rosalie are 3rd! ~I'mEdWaRd'SlAtUaCaNtAnTe **


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